Where Confidence Starts

Last Updated On: 21 September 2025

How to gain confidence is an age-old question and is often something people suffer with mostly when they’re young(er). But when are you too old not to feel shy or lack confidence any more?

It only changed for me when I started learning the new-age tools I draw from today, which happened to begin when I turned 50.

It wasn’t a conscious now I’m fifty midlife crisis, and now I’m going to be x-y-z. It evolved from a continuing search for my own solutions and taking an NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) training with Richard Bandler and Paul McKenna in 2004 was what kick-started the beginning of some real understanding which lead to my sharing and ultimately wearing the practitioner hat I don today. The reason being that this information is too bloody exciting not to want to shout from the rooftop.

And the only way to know is to experience the difference it makes

NLP teaches us all about behaviours and how to change them. I believe every kid on the planet should be taught this along with EFT Tapping (Emotional Freedom Technique) in order to build stronger emotional foundation and resilience – from the get-go.

There are younger people in my inner-circle who I see struggling along the same lines as I did. It’s a painful process. You might ask why I don’t help, but you already know the answer, a person has to be ready to make the decision that they want it to STOP. How bad does it have to get before we reach that decision, well how long is the proverbial piece of string.

How to gain self-confidence

I remember being trapped in my thoughts, unable to express myself or make my thoughts, feelings, and discomfort known. And this led to putting-up-with what I didn’t want because I’d no idea how to create what I did want instead. You’ve had that one right?

It can lead to feeling like a leaf blowing in the wind, beholden to other people’s ideas, and suggestions. And if you suffer with this too I can help you understand it better using the benefit of hindsight to get rid of what we might refer to as old-nonsense.

I’m not being insensitive here, it’s just that it turns out, it’s all old-nonsense and it’s mostly inherited old-nonsense that we’ve observed from other family members and influences as we were growing up.

What creates a lack of confidence?

As you grow up, you listen, hear, see, and feel all the impressions and opinions of caregivers in your life, and some of them stick more than others.

And whatever sticks becomes yours, it’s like an inheritance, and it becomes the family-glue. We even start to identify ourselves as though it were a truth. But it’s not true and it’s fine to let go of it, especially where you’re not having the best types of experiences in your life one way or another.

It’s fine to let go of anything that holds you back from stepping into the wonder of you, it’s to be positively encouraged Everyone is wonderful, but so few recognise, own it or live in accordance with it. This isn’t about inflated ego’s and narcissistic tendencies, it’s anything but. It’s not about trumpet blowing, it’s more of a feeling, a sense of self, a sensitivity towards others which happens by developing more self-awareness.

People are mostly influenced by what came before and get triggered by old-nonsense without a clue as to why they feel that way, although if you pressed them they’d come up with 101 reasons why it is or isn’t their fault.

But it’s not about blame!

I believe therefore I am

You’ve heard that saying:

… for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. … Shakespeare’s Hamlet

Our thoughts, our beliefs were all inherited from somewhere, from someone, which means if they no longer serve you, you can change them.

And it’s safe to question the origins too, because – 9 times out of 10 – whoever you inherited it from, absorbed it from their caregivers and so on down the line. This subsequently negates any need for blame which in itself is a win:win.

This is such an important component to creating the foundations for ensuring you bring the best quality of relationships and experiences into your life.

A quick clue is that if people trigger you, it’s something you need to address, and working on some things, completely transforms what didn’t work, into something that finds you not even noticing any more, let alone being triggered by it, or them.

Jane

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Step up to the mark

PS – Directing your own destiny begins by arranging a quick 15-min chat which kick-starts having more energy to develop what you really, really want.

Lights! Camera! Action!