You’ve heard that saying – what a difference a day makes. Had I realised just how much confidence is key to opening up all sorts of doors, conversations, and opportunities I may have taken my mum’s offer to go to some sort of finishing school as a serious one.
To be fair it was an alien concept and deep contrast to my high school which was more like a St Trinians
How is it that when you’ve grown up feeling shy and awkward in social situations; when meeting new people, starting a new class, having new kids join your class, that the resistance is so great to realise that other people are having similar reservations and unless someone breaks the ice, you stay well and truly stuck.
Where does that behaviour come from and why does it take so long to become open to changing it?
Lacking confidence outside
For me lacking confidence outside the home was the biggest issue and because the attempts to address it were neither proactive or sensitive, it presented a very good excuse NOT to get involved in anything that took me out of my comfort zone.
But now its completely different and I’m not sure when it changed. My work involves meeting lots of new people and starting up conversation. Yet there was a time when that would have haunted me, before, during and afterwards.
In retrospect I can see that I learned it at home. My mum was like that and my dad was hardly around, so although his work would have involved getting into conversation and ice-breaking it wasn’t influential.
It didn’t help when having to handle the embarrassment of my mum’s unwitting reinforcement of:
In hindsight it’s glaringly obvious it was liable to keep you stuck.
Confidence is key
The difference I feel now and how I felt back when … there’s a chasm of difference in what I can achieve and feel comfortable with. I no longer have to accommodate it … and that’s a massive achievement of itself too.
It simply means you can live the life you want to, meet the people you want and need to, without any qualms. Its glorious and I think a feel a high-five coming on – lol! It really makes such a massive difference in how you can be in your life without those niggling doubts or putting-things-off because of dealing with the awkwardness of meeting new folk.
What have been your experiences of ‘growing your confidence’? Are you where you want to be with it, are you still getting there or maybe you haven’t even dipped a toe in. When I see my nieces behaving confidently in a variety of social settings, I just feel proud, in the knowledge that they won’t have to go through the discomfort and life-hampering that lacking self confidence involves.
It would be great to hear your views and experiences. I wonder which end of the confidence spectrum you are now and where you started out. Please make a comment and connect on here.
Step up to the mark
PS – Directing your own destiny begins by arranging a quick 15-min chat which kick-starts having more energy to develop what you really, really want.