When you think about blaming others are you missing the point? What point you may ask? It’s about evolving as a person which turns out to be an incredibly important yet often overlooked part of what life offers.
We come in alone, we go out alone, but no matter how we try to dodge it, there’s an incredible – often untapped part of us – that we live with regardless.
Take me for example, I’ve always been what you might call a perpetual student. I love learning, especially since I embarked on finding out more about my life-long-quest to learn more about how we tick through some of the greatest understandings on the planet that help shift us out of feeling broken, as I did, and back into a mass of vibrating fabulousness, I’m getting there 🙂
And despite or because of the massive investment I made between 2004-2014 in order to learn as much as I could, I still had to get on with my own personal changes by doing the work. And believe me those changes were much needed.
We’re all a work in progress, and yes challenges come up, but how I deal with them now is significantly different
The blame game
[captionpix imgalt=”Blaming Others” imgsrc=”http://www.janeunsworth.com/wp-content/uploads/when-a-relationship-ends.jpg” imglink=”http://www.janeunsworth.com/mending” captiontext=”Playing the blame game”]
But of course educational learning is not the same as life learning. Even when the tools and techniques you learn help enormously in sorting the wheat from the chaff, and help you shape yourself into a much rounder person. We only know it’s different when it turns up on a conscious automatic level, i.e. without the use of that tough cookie: the willpower.
And for that we have to take personal responsibility or ownership in terms of learning how to be assertive and respecting the other person’s perspective, which comes from developing self-awareness. And letting go of resistance.
One of the main pitfalls of blaming others is that it finds us backed into a victim-esque corner that leads into an unresolved dead-end and mercilessly continues running on a loop. But what if the problem was presenting you with an opportunity to gain some personal insight and understanding in order to grow as a human being?
Is blaming others such a bad thing?
I know it’s great fun to have a good old rant, about this situation or that person, why would you want to change it, where’s the harm? But it gets old. And although a past master, these days I’m less likely to play The Blame Game and more likely to look at what part I played while simultaneously looking at any hidden agenda, theirs and/or mine?
But once you start to see what is right in front of you and take the learning from it, the most bizarre thing happens. The alleged problem stops because it’s no longer on your radar and the energy that was there dissipates.
A better question is to ask what happens if you ignore it? When you take no responsibility for what happens to you, you start hearing a small inner, nagging voice that is yearning to let you in on what needs addressing. Then the issue escalates, and it will keep appearing in one guise or another through:
- poor behaviours
- chronic health issues
- unhelpful habits
The issue might appear as a nagging parent, a nagging boss, a nagging partner, or nagging kids, but it’s important to remember that there are two of you in the dance. And it’ll keep on until you resolve the underlying stress that drives any out-of-sync health and wellbeing issues.
The LOA – law of attraction
The RAS – The Reticular Activating System is part of the brain that lives in the Thalamus, it’s the part that continually searches for evidence of proving your beliefs. In other words it seeks out the evidence to prove you right about this, that and oh yes, the other. The RAS is that part of the brain that once you’ve decided you want a certain model and colour of car suddenly has you noticing them everywhere until you buy one. It’s also an inherent part of what lies behind:
The Law Of Attraction and the philosophy of getting more of what you focus on…
And the unfortunate part of what’s often missed out is that LOA / RAS is working for the positive and the negative. So it feeds into being broke, being too fat, being ill, hating your job, and all the other worries that keep you stuck on the hamster-wheel that stop you from succeeding.
Now maybe you’re ready to stop blaming others so that your RAS can work in your favour, instead of t’other way around. And you can start by asking better questions of yourself beginning with this one:
What do I REALLY want?
There are some great approaches that teach how to make a subconscious difference in your own life and take back the responsibility for it, which leads to having more of what you want as you stop listening to and let go of other people’s nonsense. And that’s what I help with.
Step up to the plate
If you’re ready to ditch the emotional roller-coaster my approaches are guaranteed to bring about a very noticeable difference? Click through on the button below to explore having what you want instead.