Family Patterns

Last Updated On: 30 December 2025

I happened to catch Loose Women the other day and they were discussing whether the panel grew up with a hang-up over something that still bothers them today.

Most of them had in one way or the other, which is the basis of what I wanted to share today

What the panel grew up believing

One had grown up in a family that held lots of family get-togethers, where the influx of relatives meant being inspected head to toe to examine how much the kids had changed since they last met.

Then the well-meaning but unhelpful comments came thick and fast, such as; too fat, too thin, too this, too that. Only to be followed with an over-abundance of food where offence was taken if she didn’t fully imbibe but unwittingly manipulative. That person said it gave her mixed messages, as to the right course of action.

Now if you’ve read my posts before you’ll know I’m not an advocate of the simple correlation that continues to be made by mainstream thinking, i.e. that when a person eats more (daily intake) = more than they burn off (exercise and moving) it results in weight gain. There’s a lot more to it! But this is the scientific calculator I learned on my home economics degree back in the early 1990’s:

Apart from what any scientific calculation may purport, there is an emotional element with food, as the Loose Women story demonstrates above. I wonder if you’re relating?

Another member of the panel said she still has a hang-up due to her dad’s teasing about growing into her nose when she was a kid. Of course her nose looks fine but it still doesn’t feel okay to her. That’s because of how she perceived the information when it first landed with her. And when you think about it, her dad was an authoritative figure who as a kid she would trust in every which way.

Turning the question around

Then the question was turned on the panel to ask if they’d passed any hangups onto their kids? A great question that links into exactly what the science of Epigenetics has been teaching us for the last 20+ years.

Epigenetics tells us that we’re a reflection of our environment, internal and external… and as such we’re not born with a pre-determined blueprint of predictable traits. We’re not stuck with a genetic pattern and a broad range of unwanted inheritance can be changed.

I may have inherited my father’s blue eyes and his wildly thick hair, but did I also inherit some of the more subtle traits that came about through his story (even though I didn’t even know his story until much later)?

My father was absent, we hardly saw him, it turned out that he purposely stayed away until we (his second family) were in bed at night. His first marriage had failed resulting in the mother of his kids making a dramatic exit. Having no further contact he was left to raise them (rather ineptly) while holding a full time job (back in the 1940’s).

I’ve seen the impact!

He passed away when I was young, but the story lives on in the individuals affected and yes we pass our stuff onto our families. What did I inherit around all of that, to say nothing of my mother’s family and background? Plenty I can tell you.

How a parent’s behaviour affects their kids

Back to the Loose Women panel and one said that as a child she was clumsy, that she believed it was hers but that she had been criticised for it as a child. But another panelist said she had been clumsy as a child, and her parents had been very sweet about it, and as an adult she has no issues with it.

The final comment that prompted this article came from a fourth panelist who referred to her daughter who’s suffered with Bulimia Nervosa in the past.

She hoped it hadn’t come about from anything she’d inadvertently taught her, and innocently went on to explain that she had always supported her girl whenever she wanted to start over, with a new DIET.

I wrote about this a while ago asking what do we think our families learn from us via our behaviour. And that if something as vital as food (that we need to remain healthy and repair cells with) is a toxic subject at home we ought not to be surprised if even one of our children takes on some of those beliefs for themselves.

At the core of any personal issue sits a stressful emotional event, when we unconsciously took on a new understanding, which is mapped out in the 9-step weight gain process. It’s important to be watchful over:

• The language you use because your subconscious mind interprets what you say in very simple terms
• Your behaviour in how you treat yourself and what you tell yourself, i.e. scolding yourself for something you’re eating
• The emotional and psychological impact these have on your children because the brain:mind:body is always switched ON

This serves as a notice to clean up our collective act, and your act… if you’re guilty, and lets face it who isn’t, it pays to bring in more attention, because the devil really is in the detail.

Can you think of any parental patterns you’ve inherited, and/or feel you might be passing onto your kids, right now?

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