Today let’s look at whether you’re paying enough attention to detail, to yourself, and to others. Are they paying enough attention to you? And what’s the cost of not paying more attention?
Firstly, this is the Oxford Dictionary definition of Attention:
Notice taken of someone or something;
the regarding of someone or something as interesting or important.
As we start to dig a little deeper let’s look at that definition, especially where it says;
that attention is given when notice is taken about someone or something that’s interesting or important.
Noticing is an art form
When you’re out and about, do you notice what’s going on around you? Are you oblivious; wrapped up in your head, or your heart? It’s usually a mix of the two.
And when you’re in the creative process, it’s even easier to forget the other compartments of your reality. Whereabouts are you in this? Let’s explore by asking:
- How important do you feel?
- Do you put everyone else’s needs first?
- Do you put your own needs first, while ignoring everyone else’s?
- Do you just go through the motions of paying attention?
- Perhaps you only notice later?
No beating yourself up here, this is an exercise in bringing your awareness to the programmes you’re running, for whatever reasons. Let’s run through them one by one.
How important do you feel?
Taking a moment here, just tune in… and turn on… to you…
Now pardon my getting straight to it for a moment, but do you need the applause of strangers to feel valued?
It’s perfectly okay, but determining to what degree it matters is important, especially if it needs tweaking. Ask yourself on a scale of 0-10 where ‘0’ you can take it or leave it, and ’10’ is to the extreme of needy.
The more self-worth you have the less you’ll seek external validation from others, which makes for someone that people want to be around and values you as a human being.
Knowing what you truly like, want and need, makes life far easier for you to find it, achieve it and feel fulfilled.
Do you put everyone else’s needs first?
This is such a common one, especially for women. Being taught to serve, can be so ingrained, my mum was a waitress which made for a double-whammy.
And if you’re juggling family, your passions, a partner and the practicalities of life, it can become overwhelming in terms of what you love and then what you feel has to get done, that you may even resent.
Some of the spinning plates get missed, but which ones do you put to the back of the queue? Might that be yours by any chance?
Noticing it is key to understanding what’s playing you
Are you ignoring everyone else’s needs?
Do you put your own needs first, while ignoring everyone else’s? Apologies in advance, but this might be more common with men because in stereotypical upbringings they are often taught to be served, or waited on hand and foot as we’d say up t’north.
I can’t tell you how many arguments this caused in my adolescent life, and my mum’s excuse was always the same. It was her stuff, with an extreme case of over-protective-itis that drove me to distraction.
Now, I know if you’re reading this that you’re a 21st century sort of person, dealing with outdated shenanigans, so that whichever side of the hostess-trolley you happen to have been borne into (unless you were extraordinarily lucky) you deal with this stuff every day.
But one word before we proceed:
Parents do the best they can for their kids, with the understandings they have at their disposal, at any one time
In this scenario, if you’re a man receiving a tad more than you are giving back, and this requires you to be perfectly HONEST, not guilty just honest, the good news is that you can break out of your programming too.
You might ask why you’d want to if things are cushy, I hope the reasons are becoming abundantly clear, without labouring the point.
Oh go on then, if you insist… ultimately this is about your self-respect, which once developed over-spills into respecting others.
Are you just going through the motions?
Do you just go through the motions of paying attention, saying the words without feeling them, meaning them, engaging with them.
While speaking are you already on the next page of the day, moment, event, or something that is about self, rather than truly BEING with the other person?
Perhaps you’re manacled to an all-time conversation killer; the mobile or tablet?
Fully focusing and concentrating on others can be exhausting, but giving 100% of yourself for a shorter time is far more valuable and valued by others. You know that saying…
Always leave them wanting more!
Perhaps you only notice later?
I’m sure you’ve had an experience where you only notice afterwards when something happened that you preferred not to have, or didn’t happen that you wish had, especially in terms of losing someone or something that really mattered to you.
What you coulda, woulda, shoulda, done better, with more integrity, attention, focus and awareness. The effect you were having in a moment that with hindsight you’d have acted out differently.
Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien
As Edith Piaf laments, we none of us want those, and especially as we age there are enough opportunities to learn from and change what’s no longer representative.
Has this ever happened?
Have you had times where it took an accident or illness to Make You Pay Attention To What You Were Ignoring… yourself, a lover, others, or a situation?
Maybe you’d been burying your head in the sand, about an issue. You may have created all sorts of bonkers coping strategies, habits, compulsions, add yours here!
Anything that would distract you from dealing with something that feels too uncomfortable, the reality of where your attention ought to have been.
Has that ever happened? I imagine that’s a big fat YES because we’ve all had these or similar happen, in order to reign our attention in.
Paying attention, dealing with stuff, getting on board with you is a crucial key to transforming what you do, and how successfully you do it.
Do you recognise yourself in any of this? Starting to notice more, how you are, how you react, how you treat others, and how quickly you respond is symbolic of how you roll and what you truly bring to the table that is your life
Today, start paying more attention to the impact you’re having on yourself, other people, the situations you find yourself in, and whether they truly serve how you want your life to look.
PS: I’d love to support you in getting rid of what’s not floating-your-boat, so that you can break through what holds you back, and watch your creativity soar.
Step up to the mark
Are you feeling ready to ditch the emotional roller-coaster, because this approach brings about a significant and noticeable difference?
Then click through on the button below and arrange a 20-min chat to put an end to the run of what’s no longer working in your favour.