Let’s look at the importance of finding your own clarity in order to live life on your terms, in order that you can own your talents authentically. It sounds simple, but is it?
Who do you think you are
Corny question here because it resorts to the title of a well-known TV show but…
Who do you think you are?
What makes you who you are?
As we grow-up we’re strongly influenced by the beliefs of our caregivers, shaping later life to a greater or lesser extent, all of which depends on you.
During adolescence some aspects clash with the information you start gathering from other influencers such as; friends, hobbies, mentors, passions, relationships, and work. How are you dealing with these where they clash with meeting your full potential, rather than a mini-me version of say a parent?
In other words we’re all carrying out-of-date understandings about who we think we are, what we have or haven’t achieved which could be affecting your sense of place, and wrought with unhelpful coping strategies in terms of how you treat yourself.
Whose tune are you dancing to
During the seventies I was enthralled by all things modern dance; The Ballet Rambert, Isadora, Nijinsky, The Ballet Russe, Nureyev, Fontaine, Pavlova, Nijinsky. In a 2016 BBC documentary on the history of dance, Isadora Duncan is credited as it’s founder, as demonstrated by what claims to be the only surviving clip of her in action.
But what and/or who influenced her?
One aspect that drove her was the poverty her family found themselves in when her parents separated, and from the age of 6 she and her two sisters taught dance lessons to other kids to bring in extra money.
My own dancing style may well have been influenced by her because back-in-the-day I’d take to the floor barefoot, and along with my dance posse we’d tear the place up. We lived to dance to anything from pop to hard rock, but this collaboration between Peter Green and Carlos Santana was typical of the pace that invited some serious arm wafting.
Now it’s easier to understand how Isadora’s style came about, as it does connect with a dream-and-child-like quality of a child at play, I can relate, especially if you were / are someone who has a range of escape routes. If you were hanging out in The Village / Hardrock on Talbot Road in Stretford around the same time we’d no doubt have crossed paths.
I was an exhibitionist under the influence… which helped fuel my absolute need to dance, because I was so incredibly shy and socially awkward. And if the type of help that’s around now was available then, I might have achieved more and known the value of what I bring to the table much sooner. We have to know it in order to own it more.
I mention this essentially because like many others I was flaying around in the dark, with little guidance or sense of value:
It’s taken so much longer than it needed to create better boundaries and I’m still in the throws of developing healthier habits of self-care that if I’d started earlier would have been easier… hey-ho… I’m doing it now!
The blame game
When I work with clients overwhelmed by passion, especially where they turn anger in on themselves, which is what poor boundaries flag up through self-deprecating over-indulgent or addictive habits and behaviours it needs unpacking in order to develop better self-love. As RuPaul says
If you can’t love yourself
How in the hell you gonna love somebody else
Can I get an Amen?
Learning what your tune is is one thing, learning to dance to it another. These days I identify as a dancer, because I feel it’s an innate ability (inherited from my mum) where I can’t help but feel the rhythm in music, words, the sound of a spoken voice. I have no say in that one, and it confused me for a long time, I carried on drinking for longer than was wise because of it, i.e. felt too shy to dance in public without a drink, you know, that one?
I’ve since found that stopping drinking has freed me up on the dance floor because it turns out I was self-conscious about dancing when I’d had a drink. Who knew? I’m auditory, i.e. my memory is predominantly formed through sound, what’s said, tone of voice. I can throw out a regional accent as can my family, which has us laughing at each other’s whenever we get round the table for a game of murder mystery. Although we are a mix of the following there’s usually one that leads, what’s yours:
- auditory – hearing?
- kinesthetic – feeling?
- visual – seeing?
I mention these to demonstrate that as a person we are all a work of joined-up writing and finding, acknowledging and celebrating all those layers in you gives you a stronger sense of who you are. Otherwise this stuff has a habit of rising up and working against. Be out and proud of ALL your talents so that you can discover what they bring to the party of what is your uniqueness.
How can we embrace all that we are
The biggest difference you can start making today that tells your subconscious you’re serious about showing up and committing to changing how you feel is to:
When you’re on the hamster-wheel of over-thinking and wondering what caused what, like an unrelenting maze of Ground Hog Days and red herrings. But by switching this and get more clarity by putting your focus on changing what isn’t working rather than if only’s it leads you to recognising the part you’re playing in the issue, i.e because this is your dance! And staying in the blame-game harks back to influences that are still pulling your strings from the dim and distant:
- Children, family, friends
- Education and academia
- Health yours and others
- Stress and pressures
- The system
- Work and career
- You can name yours now
Does it make sense? Perhaps you’re tangled up in a similar choreographed piece, I was for decades, until I found better ways to unravel it. And what a relief to be out of playing the blame game now, because I was engulfed by it for too long, and this is why I’m so passionate about helping others change it sooner.
It’s a time sap
And takes you no nearer to finding effective solutions
What would you prefer to feel instead?
Stopping the shenanigans of that allows you the necessary breathing space to start noticing more of the practical steps you can take to reclaim control over your own destiny.
This leads to making better lifestyle choices, which bring more understanding of what drives an issue, and finding the right solutions for you. We are our own choreographers, which is empowering in of itself, especially once you start to make sense of where the story starts and ends because the next chapter sits so firmly in your own hands.
What hidden talents are you sitting on?
What are you denying yourself of by not fulfilling them?
What’s the worst that can happen?
What value will others get from your unique take?
What stops you?