Will Your Sex Drive Alter

relationships with self, others and lovers
Are you paying attention to yourself, your lover, and whatever else you ought to be dealing with?

Once the perimenopausal symptoms start kicking in the hormonal changes can affect your sex drive, affecting it one way or the other.

For example, once your periods have stopped some women find a new lease of life in terms of a certain sexual freedom. After all the overhanging threat of pregnancy and contraception has been lifted which often makes a world of difference.

Of course it’s a given that precautions are necessary where you’re in a new relationship, and still determining the sexual history of a partner. And of course you already know that one!

How much sex is normal

At this stage of life, as at any other, it’s on your terms. How often is dictated by your desires, there are NO Rules.

Your libido can increase or decrease around this time, and there are benefits either way. It’s okay either way, and at this point in your life where it slows down, it just means that you’ll enjoy it less often, but the intensity of orgasms and the pleasure element isn’t affected.

But if it is you need to look into it, because there’s likely to be something that’s more on the emotional side. And help is always at hand for that.

How does your sex drive work?

Research shows that sexual appetite is not tied to the oestrogen levels
once this hormone has reduced
(although lubricant may be needed to make sex more comfortable).

Because androgen male hormones provide your sex drive which
continues to be produced in the ovaries throughout your life.

So when ovaries stop producing oestradiol and progesterone
at menopause your ovaries continue to produce androgens.
And you continue to have fun!

What if my sex drive changes

Well it can and it does change, and like everything else it depends on what else is going on in your life. For example many people separate and get divorced around this time, the children are grown, or hormonal changes mean we can no longer tolerate, or simply feel the same about someone.

When this happens, and depending on the circumstances, may well leave you in a different place, in terms of your libido.

Getting your libido back

Getting your libido back is a strong indicator of feeling yourself again, if you’ll pardon the pun. Some people find their sex drive increases with a new partner, and unfettered sex, without the worries mentioned earlier. It can be so freeing.

Others may feel almost the opposite, and want to retreat into their cave.

Either way, middle age and getting through menopause does offer up certain opportunities that weren’t necessarily available previously. And for some it turns into the most empowering time in life.

The thing to remember is that it’s your game, and having sex on your terms, according to how you feel is the biggest priority.

At this stage of life, it’s about living your life on your terms, not in a selfish way, but in a more empowering, time for you way.

PS: I’d love to support you in getting rid of what’s not floating-your-boat, so that you can learn how to change what works against you and start tapping into your full potential.

Step up to the mark

Are you feeling ready to ditch the emotional roller-coaster, because this approach brings about a significant and noticeable difference?

Now click through on the button below and arrange a 20-min chat to put an end to the run of what’s no longer working in your favour.

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Hot Flushes & Nightsweats

menopause nightsweats and hot flushes
Getting free of hot flushes and nighsweats will make an enormous difference to your experience of menopause

Let’s start with a few statistics, because only 40-60% of women ever experience perimenopausal symptoms, which means a similar number do not. And if you haven’t been experiencing these through these hormonal changes then you may never, but similarly if you are experiencing them then you’re in good company, because it’s not unusual.

There are a range of possible symptoms that appear during this phase leading up to menopause, i.e. which is officially one year after your periods have stopped and by rights these symptoms ought to cease.

Typical perimenopausal symptoms

Getting free of hot flushes and nighsweats will make an enormous difference to how you experience gliding-through-menopause, and I can assure you that it’s possible to get free of them, without having to wait it out. But the methods I use with clients won’t include HRT, because it’s not going to work long-term, although it does provide the quick-fix. And as tempting as a quick-fix is, in the long term you’re

These two culprits are among the most well-known and acknowledged symptoms associated with the menopause, and many of us have or are experiencing them. I had both.

And it transpires that they are one and the same thing, where a nightsweat is a hot flush during the night, and they’re due to a change in your oestrogen levels.

What are hot flushes

As the oestrogen levels drop the brain signals that something’s amiss and sends out a surge of epinephrine (adrenaline) the hormone associated with fight or flight. And you get ready to bite someone’s head off, or run for the hills.

This bumps up the blood pressure and the heart starts beating faster, which causes the blood vessels in the head, neck and chest to dilate.

And in turn you feel as though you’re caught in a heatwave

Interestingly it wasn’t until 1970 that doctors understood this and previously they dismissed women for imagining these sensations. They might even have been referred to in some circles as The Vapors.

Thankfully we live in more enlightened times, and we understand far more about the mind/body relationship too.

What are nightsweats

As well as being a night-time version of hot flushes (or flashes as they’re known in the US) nightsweats can also be indicative of other symptoms that need looking into, i.e. infection, thyroid problems, or something else. And if this is your only perimenopausal experience then it’s worth getting it checked on with your GP.

These quick changes in your oestrogen levels can impose a domino effect that build into a perimenopausal cocktail. When your serotonin levels drop it can impact mood and sleep, i.e. when physically waking up in the night disrupts your sleep patterns, which can trigger further symptoms of anxiety, irritability, and dare we say it mood swings.

Oestrogen makes serotonin more available by prolonging the action of serotonin. A drop in your oestrogen level affects your serotonin levels, which contributes to disturbed sleep patterns
Menopause For Dummies

If you’d like to know more about what you can do instead, then book in a time to have a chat and explore what you can do instead:

In summary

If we want to get free of these symptoms, the broken sleep, and replenish your energy there are gentler, non-invasive processes you can start applying with me.

If you feel you need some help with that, especially if you have a lot of stress based plates spinning in your life right now, it’s only natural to draft in some help and that’s where I come in. I can help you create something different, and it starts with a chat that you can arrange here…

Book A Discovery Session NOW

Memory Lapses & Confusion

memory lapses, confusion, feeling lost and stresssed
Memory lapses and confusion can be due to something as generic as stress

Let’s look at brain health, memory lapses and forgetfulness, and what we can do to address it so that we don’t suffer what many of our parents and elderly relatives had to endure.

I’d like to share the current findings so that like me you can start tweaking some things to ensure a brighter future for your brain-health.

My mum had one of the forms of memory loss we all fear, her’s was Lewy Body Dementia which turned out to have been misdiagnosed as Alzheimer’s Disease back in 2007.

When her Psychiatrist changed at the beginning of 2013 he advised the new diagnosis which explained a number of differences, i.e. she remembered people, and she occasionally suffered with night terrors and psychotic episodes.

Not pleasant for anyone to witness, and especially not something any of us want to experience or see loved ones going through.

Yet as we live longer the problem escalates, and nursing homes are full of people in a state of confusion and displacement.

On one occasion during my mum’s illness, my sister-in-law said how much she dreaded reaching something similar and I said it wasn’t going to happen to me.

With what I know about the power of language shown here on this post about changing weight, the mere thought of even considering this as a possibility was abhorrent because as you probably already know, the subconscious is always listening, and it easily takes on an unhelpful understanding or new behaviour when we’re least expecting it. And my dismissing it out of hand was indeed a knee-jerk reaction.

Of course it’s not that simple and it’s all very well having a well-honed retort, but it’s then my responsibility to put that into action.

There are many things we can do, and it’s a strong part of what drives me to talk about using middle-age as a landmark to take matters into our own hands, by crafting a different mindset.

Memory lapses and forgetfulness

There is lots of research into brain health and one of the over-riding things that has been found to help the hippocampus memory function stay healthy is to incorporate movement and exercise.

My older brother visited the gym 5-days a week, until he passed away shortly before his 80th birthday, and his brain was in great shape. He had a number of gym buddies and it developed into an important element of his social life too.

There is a lot of ongoing research into dementia and the related illnesses that can lead people to it.

What we commonly refer to as stress – mental, physical, emotional, or spiritual – actually creates inflammatory chemicals in the brain and body that lead to memory deterioration.
Dr Christiane Northrup – Goddesses Never Age

Another thing that is really good for us is a good old belly laugh, and I don’t know about you but laughing is one of the things I love sharing with other people more than anything.

It’s really not surprising to find that it’s being valued as a great form of therapy these days, and my clients joy it in the appropriate moment’s when they are deflating tension.

I’m lucky in having a family where we talk about all things cultural and current affairs, and we all have strong opinions. What really bonds us is a deep-rooted sense of the ridiculous and laughing is the outlet.

Memory enhancement related exercise

vincent and flavia dance the tango
Vincent Simone & Flavia Cacace dance an Argentine Tango

As mentioned there is considerable research that shows regular exercise helps protect the brain, where two 20-minute periods of aerobic exercise are known to increase the hippocampal memory area for people in their sixties.

Partner dancing is especially good for maintaining and developing better forms of coordination too, which clearly connects with brain training. Vincent & Flavia certainly give us a standard to aim for, but it might take a while.

In summary

Ultimately it’s about being smart and developing a regular exercise regime, to keep your brain flexed as well as your body.

And when you don’t feel like it, just do it anyway

One way of encouraging yourself is to notice the difference you feel in your body, mind, emotions and behaviours between when you incorporate regular exercise and when you don’t.

This alone starts to bring your attention to the difference in how you feel, behave and what you achieve in your day.

And make sure the form of aerobic and anaerobic forms of exercise you chose are ones that you love doing, so that you’ll enjoy doing it or going to class once you get into the habit.

For example I love dancing, walking, yoga and tai chi, but you won’t get me near a gym and tend to joke that I’m allergic to them, because for whatever reasons they just don’t float my boat.

If you happen to need help developing the motivation to find the right thing for you, and you’d like some help with it, especially if you have a lot of stress based plates spinning in your life right now, it’s only natural to draft in some help and that’s where I come in.

P.S. Jane would love to support you in getting rid of what weighs you down, so that you can have more vibrant health, vitality and bring more balance into your life.

Take the next steps

Are you ready to take some steps to change whatever’s creating an emotional roller-coaster, because this will make a difference. Let’s arrange a chat so that you can get more of an insight into what you can end a run of.

Book a free Clarity Call

Having Happy Hormones In 2016

happy hormonal health flickr
Developing better hormonal health changes life’s landscape

It’s a Happy New Year from Defying The ‘M’ Word

New year is celebrated around the world on different dates, by different cultures. I have friends who mark the new year according to the Orthodox Christian Church on 8 January.

I’ve a niece teaching in Shanghai and their new year changes in accordance with the moon, rather than the sun, where Chinese Astrology further marks it by celebrating a different animal from it’s zodiac every 12-mths.

This year begins on 8 February and will be the year of the (Red Fire) Monkey, I’m a snake, what’s your Chinese Zodiac animal?

Here’s a link through to work it out if you haven’t before, it’s different to western astrology and based on the year you were born and whether your birthday falls before or after 4 February.

Creating your happy hormones

What does any of this have to do with being healthier and balancing your hormones? Well it’s relevant for me and as my story’s not uncommon, you may well relate. What is less common is the more recent understanding that sits behind our biological symptoms, behaviours, and compulsions.

Earlier in my life I sought every available personal development book and training I could lay my hands to, searching for solutions to the visceral discomfort I had in myself.

It came to a head, when my father died (in my early teens) and life changed irrevocably, that in later years I would begin referring to as my Red Pill moment.

There was a microsecond, within that traumatic period, when there was a physiological swtich

But in the last 5-yrs I’ve come to understand exactly what happened, and it’s been life changing in terms of making all the difference.

Not wishing to sound too corny here, but having trained over the last 12-yrs in many ground-breaking approaches for change was my key.

I now understand that what happened was quite a normal biochemical reaction which has given me the in, to get free of unhelpful behaviours, symptoms and compulsions that I’d adopted like armoury, which from that moment would only gather momentum until I broke out of them.

These discoveries and the personal difference they’ve made for me is what absolutely puts fire in my belly in helping others get free of theirs too.

Hormonal changes

having happy hormones logo
Making hormonal changes swing in your favour

When we have a hormonal change it flips your world (just like a pancake) and you become unrecognisable to yourself and others.

Other people’s good intentions only serve to distract from doing your own due diligence in finding what will best bring you back into balance.

Similar to Brian, a client, who would begin his sessions by stating he was still sceptical well I was too, and I encouraged his.

Because healthy scepticism can only be a good thing, and it give you a clear marker against which to gauge progress.

When the brief period he and I spent working together on his long-term depression finished he’d transformed it, and more besides.

Apart from the obvious of what he called, the fog lifting on his mental state, along with physical pain symptoms, the best bit was what came next.

He reconnected with his nearest and dearest, and got to know who they are, rather than just going through the motions of being in the same room with them, he became present with people and his life.

He was bowled over by the freedom these approaches gave him, which put an end to his 30-yr search for the solutions to his hormonal issues.

I also wish these types of approaches had been around when I was that kid, lost, displaced, misunderstood and confused

Why does hormonal change happen

This is the 64-million dollar question; research is out there, but the studies are often too inconclusive for NICE.

Yet some of the methods I use are making their way into the NHS through the backdoor, under a voluntary umbrella, or because trained Counsellors and Hypnotherapists are integrating them into their accepted tools.

And this is how it worked for Reiki, Acupuncture, Homeopathy and Tai Chi, and may well happen for what are referred to as Energy Techniques

The recent understandings I use come from Embryology, the Quantum Sciences, Bio-Energetics, Global Scaling and Epigenetics. It took NLP 20-30-yrs, and Hypnosis is still mistrusted by some.

This aside the approaches work, effectively and more efficiently because they are SPECIFIC, and being specific is where the magic lives.

Hormonal change happens in a frisson, because it’s not the event itself it’s a moment within an event. For example my hormonal change came about due to my well-meaning mum not allowing me to attend my father’s funeral.

It became a thing and when I went back to school that Wednesday morning my Red Pill moment happened.

I can see the picture so clearly and I won’t go into it just now, because the details aren’t important anyway, and is why talking over the past doesn’t work as effectively.

At least it didn’t for me, and Brian had counselling for 2-yrs without it changing his symptoms, along with numerous drug regimes.


We all love a good horoscope at this time of the year, and there are some good astrologers I read, but they won’t make the changes for you.

And for all intent and purposes a dramatic hormonal change occurs for a range of biological reasons, that keep you from dealing with whatever it is until you’re at the very least past the point of pain.

But holding on to it is quite another matter, especially when we’re unaware that this is what’s going on. Asking how long it takes to break free of it is a bit like that other question, how long is a piece of string?

It takes as long as it takes you to decide to change it, and by taking that first step you’re already beginning to bring about a new outcome.

Even though I’m no longer emotionally connected to it, I do remember how crappy I felt for the longest time!

We’re all a work-in-progress, but using the best tools you can find will make it easier. And don’t take my word, do your own due diligence.

ju signature black 200

P.S. I’d love to help you get free of your hormonal disruptions and midlife symptoms.

Take the next steps

If you’re ready to take some steps towards getting free of yours, you can arrange a free chat where we explore together whether my approaches are right for you. And if they’re not I’m happy to recommend some next steps.

Hormone Imbalance

hormone imbalance and menopause with stressed out women
Hormone imbalance can happen at any time, but commonly associated with puberty, perimenopause and menopause
Making sure your hormonal balance is under control makes all the difference to your experience in going through the menopause. Getting your hormones to play ball is a crucial element when it comes to experiencing a natural menopause. But not everyone gets to move through this phase of life easily.

Hormonal balance can be a delicate operation particularly at puberty, perimenopause and menopause.

What can affect my hormonal balance

There are certain factors you can consider and start testing for yourself to find out the difference altering even one thing can make:

  • Daily stressors and how you deal with them
  • How you eat
  • Your exercise regime
  • How much weight you carry
  • Your aging process
  • Your emotional health

How do I know when my hormones are affected

hormonal health crumpled heat
Hormonal imbalance can find you crumpled in a heap of confusion
You’ll know when your hormones are out of whack because you’ll have one or more of these impacting your life on a regular basis:

  • Low energy reserves
  • Sleep patterns
  • Feeling anxious
  • Mood swings
  • Confusion
  • Memory loss
  • Withdrawing from people
  • Loss of confidence
  • Pushing people away
  • Low moods and depression
  • Feeling overwhelmed
  • Getting overly emotional

What can I do to put it right

Your hormone levels can be brought back to balance in a number of ways and here we approach it from a number of angles, where we may look at your lifestyle, especially your eating habits, your weight history, your sleep routine, and your emotional health.

It’s important to get you back into balance so that you have better coping strategies on a day-to-day basis, and most importantly so you can reclaim the energy and vitality that is being depleted while it’s seeping away and finding you in a heap at the bottom of it all.

There’s no need to feel helpless and hopeless, instead you can get your life back, and have fun again.

P.S. I’d love to help you get free of your low energy and wonky moods.

Take the next steps

If you’re ready to take some steps towards getting free of your menopause symptoms, then let’s arrange a chat that explores whether my Happy Hormones Programme is right for you.

<<< Book A Free Discovery Session >>>

Middle Age Spread & Menopause

middle age spread and menopause with logo
Middle age spread develops for many at the menopause, but not everyone
The menopause is a great sleeve-tugger, and making some new decisions that pave the way for your motivation, health, and energy in later life, as well as in the immediate future, makes all difference.

But when you already have weight issues, poorly formed eating habits, and compulsive behaviours around food and snacks, you owe it to yourself to do something about it without hanging around to see what would happen if you continue ignoring it, and especially so when you’ve battled with this issue for what tots up to decades.

Finally taking hold of your life by the short-n-curlies and having something different from the worn out putting-on-a-brave-face-you, will get to experience a gentle release from all the stress, worry and excess energy that this has taken to maintain.

Instead this highly integrated approach, leads you through a very gentle process of picking everything off the-life-list, as you make your way into becoming a brighter, lighter, you that gets to be yourself easily and effortlessly.

And that wonderful character has been aching for her moment for the longest time!

Menopause weight gain

dealing with middle age spread
When weight gain and poor habits are established menopause is the time to stop it in it’s tracks

Although developing middle age spread at menopause is a common occurrence, looking at a different approach helps you nip it in the bud.

And it’s good news to realise that although weight gain does happen at menopause, it’s not a branded stamp, there are always choices. And where you’ve had a slight weight gain, but not previously struggled with weight and eating habits before making changes here is simple to address.

But on a cautionary note, avoid high-street dieting, as there’s not much evidence to support them yielding the results you need for long term success, and once the menopause arrives there’s so much happening physiologically, emotionally and mentally, where all components ought to be singing from the same hymn-sheet in order to find the healthier quality of life you want to live.

But by including all that’s going on simultaneously in your life, your world, and your body, including any weight fluctuations, give you more subtle control with an innate ability to recognise what works for you so you can replicate it.

Spoiler-alert! My service is not for you if you’re looking for a 9-day wonder, because there really are no shortcuts to long-term health.

The menopause is a delicate balance of change on a number of levels and there are a range of factors to bring into harmony, such as your:

  • pre-existing chronic health conditions
  • changing hormones
  • metabolism
  • nutrient uptake
  • lifestyle choices
  • mindset

Middle age spread myths

If you’ve a regular here you’ll know that I’m really into busting health myths, and remaining sceptical until I see or experience a difference for myself. I only ever recommend what I know to work, or how else can I put myself behind another product or service.

The hormonal changes of menopause might make you more likely to gain weight around your abdomen than around your hips and thighs. Hormonal changes alone don’t necessarily trigger menopause weight gain, however, doctors often describe the extra weight as age-related weight gain.

Muscle mass typically diminishes as we age, while fat stores increase. and the loss of muscle mass decreases the rate at which your body uses calories, which can make it more challenging to maintain a healthy weight.

This explains why people can eat healthily but not shift the extra pounds. If you continue to eat as you always have and don’t increase your physical activity, you’re likely to gain weight.

There are other factors that we dig into on my programme, which take a wider approach, because weight is not just about calories in – calories out.

Genetic factors can also play a role in middle age spread, if your parents or other close relatives carry extra weight around the abdomen, you’re likely to do the same. That doesn’t mean you’re stuck with it!

Other factors can include stressful events that often pertain to midlife:

  • The children leaving home (and returning)
  • Divorce and separation
  • The death of a spouse
  • Redundancy
  • Serious illness
  • Moving house
  • Becoming a carer

These are contributing factors, and identified as the most stressful changes imposed from others that you can undergo. One or more of these often happens in middle age, and doctors now believe that menopause can be triggered by stress, where a correlation has been made between this and the onset of early-menopause, which is no longer a rarity.

What causes menopause weight gain?

Weight gain during and after the menopause is not an inevitable, but lifestyle adjustments are needed, in order to avoid added weight. According to The Mayo Clinic this is not necessarily due to the hormonal changes that are taking place, instead they agree with what doctors said as mentioned earlier, and put it down to the aging factors of diminishing muscle mass and retaining more fat:

Loss of muscle mass decreases the rate at which your body uses calories, which can make it more challenging to maintain a healthy weight. If you continue to eat as you always have and don’t increase your physical activity, you’re likely to gain weight. The Mayo Clinic

Is that all there is to it, I believe not and the META-Health model I draw from here definitely shows that there is likely to be more at play.

Managing all the contributors of weight gain during menopause is a delicate balance and why my Defying The ‘M’ Word programmes tailor themselves to your very individual requirements. And knowing that your state of health, mind, body, vitality and energy tell their own story is why I offer the reassurance of a satisfaction guarantee.

P.S. I’d love to help you back into shape, vibrant health and vitality.

Take the next steps

Are you ready to take some action in changing whatever is upending your attempts to find a way out of middle age spread and a cacophony of other menopausal challenges, because the cutting-edge effectiveness of my approach makes all the difference.

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