How to gain confidence is an age-old question and is often something people suffer with mostly when they’re young(er). But when are you too old not to feel shy or lack confidence any more?
It only changed for me when I started learning the new-age tools I draw from today, which happened to begin when I turned 50.
It wasn’t a conscious, now I’m fifty I’m going to be x-y-z, if memory serves, it evolved from continuing to search for my own solutions. It began by taking an NLP Practitioner training with Richard Bandler and Paul McKenna, and it changed everything.
There are younger people in my close circle who I see struggling along the same lines as I did. It’s a painful process. You might ask why I don’t help, but I think you know the answer, a person has to be ready.
How to gain self-confidence
I remember being trapped in my thoughts, unable to express myself or make my thoughts, feelings, and discomfort known. And this led to putting-up-with things. Is that happening to you?
It leads to being like a leaf blowing in the wind, beholden to other people’s ideas, and suggestions. And if you suffer with this too, I can help you understand it better, with the benefit of hindsight and the information I use to help people get clear of what we might refer to as old-nonsense.
I’m not being insensitive here, it’s just that it turns out, it’s all old-nonsense and it’s mostly inherited old-nonsense that we’ve observed from other family members and influences as we were growing up.
What creates a lack of confidence?
As you grow up, you listen, hear, see, and feel all the impressions and opinions of caregivers in your life, and some of them stick more than others.
And whatever sticks becomes yours, it’s like an inheritance, and it becomes the family-glue. We even start to identify ourselves as though it were a truth. But it’s not true and it’s fine to let go of it, especially where you’re not having the best types of experiences in your life, in one way or another.
The reason I’m saying that is that it’s fine to let go of anything that holds you back from stepping into the wonder of you. Everyone is wonderful, but so few recognise or live by it. This isn’t about inflated ego’s and narcissistic tendencies, it’s actually anything but that. It’s not about trumpet blowing, it’s more of a feeling, as sense of self, and a sensitivity towards others, that is informed by an independence from yourself.
People are mostly influenced by what came before, and they get triggered by old-nonsense, without a clue as to why they feel that way, although if you pressed them they’d come up with 101 reasons why it is so.
But it’s not so! Because their so doesn’t actually exist!
I believe therefore I am
You’ve heard that saying:
… for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. … Shakespeare’s Hamlet
Our thoughts, our beliefs were all inherited from somewhere, from someone, which means if they no longer serve you, you can change them.
And it’s safe to question the origins too, because – 9 times out of 10 – whoever you inherited it from, absorbed it from their caregivers and so on down the line. Which subsequently negates any need for blame, win:win.
This is such an important component to creating the foundations for ensuring you bring the best quality of relationships and experiences into your life.
A quick clue is that if people trigger you, it’s something you need to address, and working on some things, completely transforms what didn’t work, into something that finds you not even noticing any more, let alone being triggered by it, or them.
Step up to the plate
PS: If you’re ready to ditch the emotional roller-coaster my approaches are guaranteed to bring about a very noticeable difference? Click through on the button below to explore having what you want instead.