Esteem and Insecurity
What is confidence? Why do some people have it and others not? And is there a how to? You’ve only to look at this flyer of Barack Obama to pick up the essence of what it comprises. Wikipedia shows the following definitions:
- Confidence is generally described as a state of being certain either that a hypothesis or prediction is correct or that a chosen course of action is the best or most effective.
- Self-confidence is having confidence in oneself.
- Arrogance or hubris in this comparison, is having unmerited confidence—believing something or someone is capable or correct when they are not.
- Overconfidence or presumptuousness is excessive belief in someone (or something) succeeding, without any regard for failure. Scientifically, a situation can only be judged after the aim has been achieved or not.
- Confidence can be a self-fulfilling prophecy as those without it may fail or not try because they lack it and those with it may succeed because they have it rather than because of an innate ability.
Building self-confidence is probably more achievable than you might think. But what is the difference in the ‘actual’ quality of life between the ‘have’s’ and ‘have not’s’ in the world of confidence?
Is it a matter of comfort zone?
And is that all there is to it? What just blagging it? 🙂 … Most people chose to stay within their comfort zone and it might be useful to find out why this happens.
Simply put we grow up learning all the beliefs of those around us, parents, family, teachers, community, society, the government, religious leaders, etc.
If you think about when you or your kids left home and ventured out into the world, perhaps going off to University or setting up a first home. Everything felt new and the experience certainly brought challenges that bumped into the borders of your comfort-zone.
Meeting people with a completely different upbringing, culture or language to your own helps to open the eyes so we can realise that everyone is the same and everyone is unique. Its often when you start to understand more about the family you actually grew up in as comparisons are bound to happen with friends.
How the same
We’re all made of the same components, skin, bone, muscle, organs and blood. We all have the same range of emotions capable of the same joys and fears. We all wish the best for our nearest and dearest. But the how-to in communicating these things may be very different, because we draw from personal experience.
Isn’t it a commonly held belief that the oldest child has the hardest time as parents have to find their way and experiment with what works and does not work in regards to boundaries, discipline and the whole enchilada of raising children.
Meanwhile the other siblings sit quietly observing it all and, quite naturally, as they reach each age they and their parents dance to a different tune while the eldest will complain, quite naturally (also), of ‘how easy’ it is for their younger siblings.
So how can you feel more confident and better around those challenges that you’d jump through hoops to avoid. Look out for the second part of working on low self-esteem next week.
Tell me more …
If you’d like to learn more you’re welcome to an ‘introductory chat’ – see how to kick-start the process – all sessions are ‘private and confidential.
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