What is it that affects self-confidence and is it a constant or is it that in some situations you’re very confident, for example spending time with good friends and family. What is it about other situations that prevents you from relaxing and just being yourself.
Is the problem about perceived expectation (theirs and/or yours), your perfectionism, here are some other factors, maybe one of those fits, does it depend on:
- Your mood on the day
- The circumstances or situation
- Whether it’s social, professional, or strangers, friends, family, or something else
- How you run your day
- How you take care of yourself generally
- The self-talk that you’ve grown to believe through what others have said
- Past experiences
What’s your back story
What is your story, you know the one you’re comfortable with? Do people need you explaining before you meet, do your friends feel the need to explain you away? How does it make you feel?
If there’s one thing I learned from following British comedian Russell Brand’s career, that he exemplifies. When we’re willing to discuss any aspect of our past, it’s because it no longer holds any emotional charge for us.
And this is when we’re free to be ourselves wherever we are, and whoever we’re with.
His act is based on this and he does it magnificently. Brand has a propensity to get himself into scrapes by putting his foot in it, he often speaks before thinking, his mind gets ahead of him. But simultaneously there’s something quite charming about it, because it appears spontaneous.
My Booky Wook
What I really like about Brand is his intelligence, self-awareness, sensitivity, use of language and confidence, which can’t fail to make anyone attractive.
His road to fame is fascinating and you can read his autobiography My Booky Wook to get the full and compelling story.
A friend gave it me for Xmas a couple of years ago (when it was released). She really disliked him, but by last summer she’d read and enjoyed it.
His stage act shows him being right out there in what for many would be a very vulnerable place, but he takes ownership for his past misdemeanors, and as stated in his interview that character is like an alter-ego that he can bring out of the cupboard and examine. But of course it’s reassuring for the audience as not many have been as far off-the-tracks as ole Rusty, not even me, and there have been periods of my life…
He makes it easier for people to access what being completely lost and out of step with yourself can be like and the level of recovery that’s possible.
I’ll just add here in updating this in October 2015 that there’s still a sense of loss with him, having got it all so to speak, returned to the UK to reconnect with his roots maybe. Things have changed for him, but I now feel comedy is his downfall, and letting go of that is what needs to happen for him to find what he’s looking for, but he’s so invested in that thing he does, of displaying everything in public that it’s become it’s own addiction.
And there we are, Brand does self-therapy and self-healing right in full view of hundreds as part of his stand-up act. And whatever you think of him (and he’s got plenty of detractors). What he does really well is set a fine example by being open and having a healthy lifestyle, he practices yoga and meditation (two personal favourites).
I used to think it was cathartic., now I’m not so sure, I think it’s reached a sell-by-date for him.
He lives a life of sobriety, clean from drugs and alcohol with a healthy ambition for success. He understands people very well which sometimes backfires as demonstrated during the full programme where there was a glimpse of civil unrest among his male posse when they went all Kevin and Perry at one point.
I recommend you view the entire interview which can be found to view-again at Channel 4OD. As you can tell he’s a bit of a hero for me for all the above reasons. Here’s a task you can try out next time you have an event that you want to grow into your full height of Self Confidence for:
Here’s a Self Confidence task
When you know you have a situation coming up that usually gets the better of you, and you know it by the feeling you get in your stomach, chest or throat when you tune into it, try this instead:
- Take a few minutes out to sit quietly and tun into the feeling
- Now think about the confidence of your favourite people, in the public eye or not. It has to be someone who really exudes confidence and takes everything in their stride
- What qualities do they project that you really admire, step into it, like some new clothes
- How does it feel? What does it look like? How does it sound?
- Do this every day in preparation until you really experience how it feels and you begin to actually look forward to going
- The more you practice it the quicker it becomes a reality for you
Let me know how you go with it and good luck, you’re about to start playing your mind at it’s own game!!!
Take the next steps
Are you ready to take some active steps towards changing your levels of confidence for the better, because these tools DO MAKE the difference.
P.S. I’d love to hear what you’re doing that brings you into a more confident place. If you’d like to read more posts you can find the Confidence and self respect series here…
You can also sign up for the newsletter, for lots of tips, freebies and information where you’ll start by receiving a free chart to check off the effects that stress is having on you right now: